Weekly Inspiration: Crazy Language

How do you start a story?  Jane Friedman, in a recent post, suggested five ways not to begin ~

    The waking up scene
    The transit scene
    The rocking chair scene
    The crisis scene
    The dream sequences

Read why here. But where does that leave us?  Perhaps Al Manning’s (aka:  Resident Curmudgeon) musings on the English language may provide some inspiration ~

English is a somewhat crazy language. As writers, we work in it constantly, but always need to be aware of what we are really saying. There are numerous cases where the same set of letters are used twice or more in the same sentence, but have entirely different pronunciations and meanings. Here are a few examples:

 The farm was used to produce produce.

 The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.

The bandage was wound around the wound.

He would lead if he could get the lead out.

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

We must polish the Polish furniture.

When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

They were sitting too close to the door to close it.

The buck does funny things when does are present.

To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

The wind was too strong to wind up the sail.

I had to subject the subject to more tests.

How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

And for a couple of wild ones:

The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

The is no time like the present, so it’s time to present the present.

Let’s face—English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant; ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple.  We take it for granted, but if we explore more we find quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Where a slim chance and a fat chance can be the same, but a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? Where your house can burn up as it burns down, and you fill in a form by filling it out?